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The Tessarae Inn |
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Dreams In Amber Refrains CHAPTER 12 The diner was now dotted with only a few stragglers and Dottie and Maddog were involved in a well-choreographed dance of counting money, cleaning the tables, cleaning the kitchen and, in general, preparing to close for the day. Blair smiled as she remembered how she and Sheri had once turned closing the diner into a science then she slid into the booth across from Emily, who had just finished having a rousing discussion with Rufus about the value of organic fertilizers. She and Emily compared notes about what was happening in Creedyville but the conversation quickly circled back to what they had been talking about earlier. “So you think seeing Rebecca triggered all of this?” “I think so. For some reason seeing her really sent me spiraling downhill.” “Why for heaven’s sake? Did you think she would try to rekindle the fire with him? Did you think something would happen between them?” “No-o-o. She’s not like that, I don’t think. That was the first time I actually met her—at the bar, I mean. She’s sweet, you know. Real sweet. And Todd loves me.” “But?” Blair swept her hands gently in a half circle on the table then stared out of the window onto Main Street. There was nothing to be gained by lying to Emily even if the truth made her sound somewhat delusional. “I couldn’t help thinking that he never would have told Rebecca her baby was dead. Maybe if I had been a different kind of love for him…maybe if he’d thought of me that way…” “I suspect that’s not true and I suspect you know it. I claim no special knowledge but you are the one he gave his heart to lock, stock and barrel.” “Key West was beautiful and I never thought …” “Key West was just a window. What was there was there all along. Loving a man like that isn’t easy. Believe me, I know. They make everything as hard as they can because they are selfish and they love so completely. They create a tightrope where there should be a bridge. What he will do to have and keep you is scary but that’s part of who he is and he is the man you choose to love.” “I can’t seem to stop.” Emily chuckled softly. “I know. Still you have to stop holding yourself responsible for his choices. You can only take the weight for what you do, including your decision to forgive him.” “I don’t regret it. That’s not what this is about. I love him but I wish I didn’t have to have this heaviness in my heart.” “I guess this is where I’m suppose to tell you that it will all go away but the fact is if my life is any indication you will have to make peace with that weight and live despite it.” Blair tightened her lips. She knew that Emily was right but she couldn’t seem to shake her need for something more. “You’re not asking but I’ll tell you this. About six years after I married Clay Cutter he had an affair. I forgave him but I never forgot. That weight never left my heart but over time the good between us outweighed the bad so much that it almost felt as if that weight wasn’t there.” “I guess I want what I can’t have then. I want to be light enough to float on the breeze like Rebecca. No one ever hurts the sweet ones like he hurt me. Not even Todd would have hurt her that way.” “What about Travis?” Blair stared at Emily. “What about him?” “How do you feel about him?” Blair let her gaze drift around the diner for a few seconds as she looked for the words that could explain her connection to Travis. Finally, she said, “There are jagged pieces in us that are a perfect fit. We both feel it. When we sing it’s like those pieces fit together and the edges become smooth. I can’t explain it any better than that.” “I think I get the picture. Travis is a bad boy with a wounded heart. From everything you told me, you are like sunshine to him. You’re the sweet one to him. Is that what you want?” She never thought of it that way. She rubbed her arms as the image of Travis standing on the deck last night pouring his heart out to her flashed in her mind. She had not allowed herself to really see his longing. Her heart was not free when she first met him and nothing had or would change that. “Todd is my life and I love him despite everything. I know that’s hard for some people to believe. When we’re together those jagged edges don’t hurt so much and the rest of me feels whole.” Emily smiled at her and nodded. She reached out and touched her hand. “Don’t you think he feels the same way, despite everything? He’s told me as much. You are the most important thing in the world to him, jagged edges and all. With a man like that that’s both a curse and a blessing.” “Sometimes I think I’m the only one who sees the blessings.” “It’s not about anybody else, including me. A relationship is like a living thing. Only you and Todd know what is necessary for yours to survive. Trust yourself. Listen to what your heart is telling you.” ======== “I cannot believe this,” said Claire for the hundredth time. “I just can’t believe this.” “Do you really want to do it, Claire?” “Sure, I guess.” “But I can’t believe it. This is real?” Taylor “Tay” James and Lance strolled over toward them. Lance was smiling but Tay looked like he had swallowed a sourball or something. Of course, Tay looked like that most of the time. From what she heard on the grapevine, Tay’s family didn’t have much money and his father spent more time than he should at her Uncle Wes’s club. Tay was an inch or two taller than Lance but his hair was unkempt and too long and his jeans looked dirty and had holes in them and Starr suspected not because it was a fashion statement. “Hey,” said Lance. “You hear about Flicker? Cool name, Starr. Everybody says you made it up.” “Yeah. I’m good at lots of stuff.” “She’s really gone for the rest of the summer?” asked Claire. “No chance she’ll be back?” “Nope. Her aunt is real sick and Flicker and her mother are going to stay in Austin for the rest of the summer.” “Sorry about her aunt,” said Claire. “Yeah. Wanna come with me and get a soda, Starr?” Starr glanced at Claire whose eyes were as big as saucers. Claire nodded her head. Tay who had not said one word just frowned at her. She wasn’t at all sure that she liked Tay. “Well, yeah, sure. Can we get one for Claire too?” “You can bring her back one. I just want it to be us right now.” Us? Starr once again glanced at Claire who was beaming at her and shifting her weight from foot to foot. Maybe it wasn’t right to leave her, especially with Tay James lurking so close. “Coming, Starr?” She sighed then followed behind Lance as he led her to the soda machine in the back hallway of the auditorium. She tried not to smile too much but she could tell every girl there was watching her with envy. Lance was the most popular boy in town and he wanted to have a soda with her. He bought her a Cherry Coke and got an orange soda for himself. Starr would have preferred the orange soda but she didn’t complain. “You going to stay for the play. I hope you get to be the new Cinderella. You’re pretty enough to play her. Cinderella needs to be pretty and we’d have to spend time together rehearsing.” “Well, it’s not up to me. I want to be the wicked stepmother. I think she’s cool.” “The wicked stepmother is ugly. You’re pretty, Starr.” She felt her cheeks get warm. Lance thought she was pretty. Maybe he was smart after all. Maybe Flicker was like poison or something. When she was gone then… “My dear, sweet children.” Starr was startled by the sudden appearance of Mrs. Hastings. They weren’t doing anything wrong. Just talking. “Lance,” said Mrs. Hastings, “I’d like to speak to Starr Manning alone for a few minutes.” Lance nodded then smiled at her. “I’ll see you later, Starr.” He walked down the hall toward the stage. Shoot. Mrs. Hastings had to ruin everything. Starr stuck out her lower lip, put her hands on her hips and turned slowly to face the latest thorn in her side. “All we were doing is drinking a soda.” “That’s nice, dear, but you can drink your soda later. I have something to ask you.” This better be good because she had a lot of Cherry Coke left. She and Lance could have talked for a long time more. “Now that your parents have agreed to let you honor us with your presence for the rest of the season and poor Kathy Flick has been called to attend to the needs of an ailing family member in the great state of Texas, I have been forced to make changes in the cast of the play. Would you like to play the part of Cinderella?” Starr stared at Mrs. Hastings. Cinderella? She wanted her to play Cinderella? But Claire was the second in line. Belle Hastings exhaled then her eyes narrowed. “If you don’t want it, I will select Claire but she will not be as good in the part as you will be.” That wasn’t true. Claire knew that part backwards and forward. No one could play it better than Claire even Flicker. “If you turn it down, Starr, I will not tell Claire that I offered it to you first. It will be our little secret. I have no desire to hurt the child’s feelings but in fairness until today we all thought you were leaving.” Well, that was true. “I must say though that Lance is very eager to work with you. He is such a fine young man. A girl like you should be happy to be admired by a boy like that. Boys usually like Cinderella more than the Wicked Stepmother.” Admired? Lance Thorpe admired her? “It’s just the way of men and boys. They tend not to like the strong girls and women.” “Like the Wicked Stepmother?” “Yes. They prefer Cinderella. So do you think you’d like to play the part?” Starr bit her lower lip then ran her right hand along her left arm. She could be the star of the show. Obviously, she was born to be a star. Claire wanted to do it but she would get over it and be happy that anyone was playing Cinderella instead of Flicker. And Lance… “Will you do it, Starr Manning?” “I guess so.” Belle Hastings smiled and then patted her on the head. “Smart girl.” Chapter 13 Dreams In Amber Refrains FAN FICTION |