|
The Tessarae Inn |
|
Dreams In Amber Refrains CHAPTER 2 Todd fingered his string tie then studied his image in the mirror. Where was Blair? He wanted to ask her how he looked. He tapped himself lightly on the forehead. That was kind of stupid. She was probably down on the beach trying to forget that he was going to pick up Rebecca in twenty…no fifteen minutes. She understood that he had to do this but he wasn’t crazy enough to think it wasn’t bothering her. His mind flashed to the memory of Blair in that white dress standing so close to Jake Travis. He hadn’t been in the mood to understand a damn thing that night but that was almost two weeks ago. Plus she would probably never wear that dress again, not after the way he tore it off of her when they got home. Good thing she didn’t have it on now or he might not be able to leave. Not that she needed that dress. He felt an uncomfortable stiffness in his groin as the image of Blair a few minutes ago standing on the front porch flickered in his mind. She was dressed in frayed cut-offs, a white tank top and a white cotton shirt tied at her waist, which contrasted with her golden tanned skin and bellowed in the gentle breeze from the ocean that also lifted her hair so it danced around her face. He forced himself to shift his mind to something else, but when he got back, he would take care of Blair—take care of her extra special. Todd took Rebecca to Delacorte’s because he and Blair had never been there. Fact was though that he and Blair had spent most of their time in the bungalow and in bed together. When they came up for air they usually went for a drink or two at Poe’s so there were a lot of places he could have taken Rebecca but Delacorte’s was the most exclusive and expensive. He reserved a table on the patio that looked out over the ocean. The table was covered by a canopy made of sheer fabric and lit by softly glowing hurricane lamps that illuminated Rebecca’s face like a kiss from memories of things long past. He tried to make everything perfect but as it turned out dinner was somewhat surreal. Fact of the matter was that eating in fancy-smancy restaurants while dressed up like models from a magazine photo shoot was not exactly part and parcel of their past relationship. But then that was the point he was trying to make. He had changed. She hadn’t. A lot had happened in eight or so years since the last time he saw her standing in that airport but Rebecca was as beautiful as ever. The sight of her still made his heart leap with wonder. They ate a light dinner as they filled each other in on the basics of their lives and shared awkward glimpses of who they had become. He was nervous and he suspected she was too. He was glad when they finished and walked down to the beach. He needed the expansiveness of open space and some shield from prying eyes. It was funny how many people he recognized after only a few days in Key West with Blair and even funnier how they all seemed to recognize him as well, even through narrowed, reproachful eyes as they watched he and Rebecca. Rebecca sat down on the beach and he slipped beside her. He studied her as the wind played with her hair and the setting sun encased her in a golden glow. Just looking at her was bringing up so many memories and so many of them were dark and ugly but she had been his beacon of light in that sea of anguish. She had guided him home. “I hope Blair didn’t mind too much.” “She understands.” Rebecca turned toward him and lowered her head slightly. “Are you happy with her, Todd? I just have to ask. I want you to be happy.” “She’s my life,” he blurted out before he had time to think. Rebecca arched her eyebrows then quickly shifted her gaze out toward the ocean. He could tell that was not really the answer she wanted to hear. He wasn’t going to lie about it, however. It was too important. The awful price he paid for the dead baby lies and all the deceits had to hit him over the damn head a few hundred times before the consequences finally sank it, but he had learned his lesson. So now, if it meant he would never risk losing it again, he could and would acknowledge without prompting what was important in his life. “Like my life,” he said softly, “I don’t always treat her well but I love her with all of my heart. She drives me crazy sometimes and has the capacity to make me madder than anyone else in this world but the only time I am happy is when we’re together. So, yeah, she makes me happy. Very happy.” Rebecca looked at him for a second with a wide-eyed stare then she drew her knees up to her chest and circled them with her arms. She rested her head on her knees. “I can’t believe you said that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk so openly and freely about happiness.” Maybe he had gone too far. Opened up too much. He studied Rebecca for a minute then leaned back on his elbows. For some reason talking about Blair felt like a betrayal if he had to defend his feelings. Nothing about them had to make sense. What was between them just was. “I don’t want to talk about my life,” he said in what he hoped was a light tone. “I want to talk about you. You said you have children.” “Two, both girls. They are beautiful, smart and kind like their father.” His mind flashed to Starr. She was beautiful, smart and, for good or ill, like her father as well. Yet, he suspected Starr was a world apart from Rebecca’s daughters. “A good man?” “The best. He makes me happy.” He sat up. “But?” “What do you mean?” “I hear a but in your voice. Is he one of those respectable types? The kind of man you think you should love?” But don’t. Kind of like that nutcase Powell Lord? She lifted her head and looked out at the ocean. “Do you ever think about what might have happened to us if I’d stayed? If I hadn’t been such a coward?” Only every damn day for months. “You weren’t a coward. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. You did what you thought was best for you. Not going to pretend it didn’t hurt but I made my peace with it years ago.” “Because you met her?” “That was part of it.” “So you’ve forgotten me?” “Never.” She glanced at him with soft eyes, smiled and then dropped her head. “I’ve been wondering lately about …” She brushed her hair off of her face. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” He didn’t know what to say so he kicked at the sand and waited. She tilted her head and looked at him with soft eyes. “Running into you had to be some type of divine providence. I don’t drink but I went into a bar...” “And there I was. I never had a problem with drinking.” “You looked so happy, Todd. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look happy like that. There was so much pain in your life when we were together.” He nodded and leaned back on his elbows again. There had been a world of pain back then. Enough pain to fill his lungs and suffocate him at the same time. Plenty of pain for a lifetime or two. “Do you ever think back to those times?” Selectively. He tried to manage his memories with greater skill these days. “Yeah, especially back to the time before things went so bad. My life is not what I thought it would be. I thought I was going to play in the NFL. I was going to be this jam ass quarterback—rich and famous—living the life. I miss being able to dream that dream.” “Instead you’re this superrich newspaper publisher with a wife and two children. Not what you expected, huh?” “Never saw that coming. But if life takes, it also gives.” He felt a sudden wave of anxiety as an image of Blair cuddling Jack and Starr flashed in his mind. It wasn’t that long ago when he thought life had taken everything that mattered to him. “If you’re lucky it gives more than it takes.” “If you’re lucky.” He got up then squatted directly in front of her. “You saved me, you know? And I’ve never forgotten that. And I’ve never forgotten you or what happened between us.” “Me either,” she said so softly that he almost didn’t hear her. “Sometimes when everything is going well in my life and there is no reason to wish for more, I think about what could have been and I miss you. There’s no other way to put it. I miss you.” Something pricked him in the center of his chest. He flayed his hands open then closed them to dislodge the feeling. “But everything is okay in your life?” She shrugged. “I loved you but I can’t regret my choice.” She cleared her throat. “Albert is a good man, a good father, a man of faith. But…” “He’s not me.” She smiled then touched his hand. “No, he’s not you. Not even close.” “I miss you, too, but, …” He studied his right hand for a few seconds. “I don’t believe I’m going to say this, but things happen for a reason and work out the way they should.” Rebecca tightened her lips then picked up some sand from the beach. “So you believe in predestination now?” “I haven’t changed that much.” He watched the sand flow through her fingers for a few seconds. “But it seems to me that the trick is not to take anything life gives you for granted. I’ve done that too often with Blair and in a strange way she was your gift to me. And I’ll always be grateful.” “She took the darkness away?” He stretched his neck then lowered himself into a sitting position. “I fight it for her. I don’t always win. Hell, I don’t often win. I’ve done some awful things lately I’m ashamed of but somehow, by some miracle, by some grace we’re together. And I’m fighting it for her.” “You need her?” “Like the air I breathe.” Rebecca nodded her head then pulled her shawl around her shoulders. “Albert is such a good man that he doesn’t have to struggle that way.” So that was it. “You don’t think he needs you? I can almost guarantee you that in his heart of hearts he thanks life’s mercies everyday for what you bring to his life. Everyday.” Rebecca brushed a tear away then squeezed his hand. He walked her to the door of her hotel room then searched it carefully to make sure no one had broken in while she was gone. She was safe. He stood for a moment in the center of the room with his hands in his pants pockets. She was watching him but she didn’t say anything. Finally, he said, “Do you need anything? I mean money or anything?” “No,” she said quickly but then walked toward her bureau. “But since you own a company and all I would appreciate it if when you make charitable donations you would consider our organization. We try to do God’s work with dignity and with respect for all people of the world.” He took the brochure and glanced at it. “Yeah, sure.” He slipped it into his inside jacket pocket. “I’ll do that. But if you ever need anything, personally, I mean, you’ll be sure to let me know.” Her eyes melted into gentle brown pools as she stared at him. Finally, she nodded. “Well, I guess I should be going.” She nodded again. He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek but she turned her head suddenly so his lips brushed hers. He lingered for a second remembering the soft sweetness he had craved like a plant in a drought all those years ago but then stepped back quickly and waited for the recriminations. She blinked rapidly. He held his breath and waited. When she reached out and took his right hand in hers, he exhaled then looked down at their hands locked together. She turned her hands so that one cupped his hand and the other was touching his palm. She dragged her fingers down the palm of his hand and then along his fingers very slowly and so softly it felt as if her fingers were the gentle fluttering of the wings of a dove. Finally, her fingers pressed the tips of his for a second or two before breaking contact. When he looked up she was staring him straight in the eye. “Would you like to stay for a while?”
Chapter 3 Dreams In Amber Refrains FAN FICTION
|