|
The Tessarae Inn |
|
Dreams In Amber Refrains
CHAPTER 28 Blair walked into the foyer of Dorian’s and asked the limo driver to leave her bags by the staircase. He did as instructed then left discretely. She stretched her neck and rubbed her shoulders. She was tired but there was work to be done. She checked the front door and made sure it was locked then walked into the living room. She called out for Todd but there was no answer. He was probably upstairs. She returned to the foyer and walked up the steps slowly hitting each one deliberately as if she would gain the strength she needed from the momentum of the steady upward progression. She called to Todd but still he did not answer. She checked the bedroom, the guestrooms, Starr’s room, and the bathrooms. No Todd. She noticed the door to Jack’s room was partially open. She pushed it open further and saw him standing by Jack’s bed leaning against the railing. “You didn’t hear me calling you?” He turned toward her slowly. “I guess not. You’re here, huh? Decided to come home.” “I told you that I’d be here today.” “You told me a lot of things, Blair. Don’t know which ones to believe anymore.” “Okay. I’ll be in the bedroom waiting for you.” She turned and walked down the hall without looking to see if he was watching her. She needed to conserve her energy. There was work to be done. In the bedroom she slipped off her shoes and stockings and was unzipping her dress when he walked into the room. She let the dress drop to the floor and hung it in the armoire then pulled out her jeans and a soft knit shirt. She dressed quickly. He watched her every move but stood in place. Finally, he said, “Getting ready to pack up? Or are you going to send someone to do it for you. Travis waiting for you downstairs with his greasy hair and cheap guitar? You’re not taking my children from me, Blair. That’s not going to happen. If you leave me for that jerk, I will…” She walked over to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him until she felt his body relax against hers. He put his arms around her and pulled her closer and kissed her harder. When they came up for air, she whispered, “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you by the way.” He buried his head in her neck and she felt the hint of moisture from his eyes. “Nothing happened, Blair. I swear.” She stepped back and looked at him. “Something happened all right. You let that viper put her hands on you. Remember?” “It wasn’t like that. I never meant to…” “She put her hands on you.” “Okay. She put her hands on me and I hated every second of it. I was wrong.” “I’m glad you get that.” “So how many times did Travis touch you? Did he crawl into your bed last night and kiss away your tears?” “Shut up, Todd. I didn’t manipulate your ass to send you away with Heather and to do God only knows what else.” “Okay. I said I was sorry.” Todd looked down and picked at his finger. “I don’t know what happened. Even when I was doing all that stuff, it didn’t make sense to me.” “I know,” said Blair softly. “There was a reason.” Todd rubbed his hands along his thighs and stretched his neck then turned his head slowly so that he could look at her directly. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying. It’s like I was lost, Blair. On one hand, I knew what I was doing was crazy but, on the other hand, I couldn’t seem to stop myself.” “I met him and I saw what he was immediately.” “Who? What are you talking about?” “I met Carl Shuttlesworth. I looked in his eyes and saw a bottomless cesspool.” “You’ve been talking to Toni? Toni is a kook. She started talking about evil and vibes. You can’t listen to her.” “I met him, Todd.” “He’s not that bad. Just sort of extreme. He has definite opinions. Some of which I agree with.” “He made sure of that.” He frowned and slowly narrowed his eyes. “You think I can’t tell when someone is trying to use me? This is me, Blair. I don’t even like most people much less trust them.” “But you like him don’t you?” “I didn’t see it that way.” “You didn’t see at all. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” “It was nothing but a business deal.” “To you maybe, but not to him. He made sure you were blind.” “It’s been a long day, Blair. I can do without the riddles.” “Last night after you left, all I could do was stare out of that huge window in Travis’s living room. I sat there for hours and looked out of that damn window but I couldn’t see a thing. And it was a clear night. Not one cloud in the sky and I couldn’t see.” “I know I hurt you.” “I couldn’t see because of all the things whirling around in my head but I forced myself to sit still and listen. I’m determined not to keep making the same mistakes, Todd. I walked through that pain and looked for a truth I could use to anchor myself. And when I found it the haze drifted away.” “What truth?” “You are a selfish bastard but you love me.” “Blair.” “You love me and you love me more than some stupid football team. And you would never throw me away from some skanky bitch like Heather. Never. And that’s the truth. So this had to be about something else.” “I just wanted the team…” “Something you couldn’t see because of the buzzing whirl someone triggered off in your head.” He walked over to the window. “My head is fine, Blair.” “No, it’s not.” “Don’t try to shrink-wrap me, Blair. I don’t react well.” “I’m not trying to do that but we have a problem and we have to talk it out.” “What is there to talk about? I’ve already explained about Heather about three hundred times already.” “Tell me everything he’s said and done to you since you’ve met him.” He stared at her then cocked his head to the right. “I don’t see how that matters. No reason to talk about those things. It’s personal.” Blair moved in front of him. “Listen to yourself, Todd. You trust him but you don’t trust me.” “I didn’t say that.” “You just did. Something’s wrong with that. Can’t you see that?” He shook his head. She looked him in the eye and reached out and touched his hand. In what felt like forever he finally nodded his head. “Let’s sit down. This may take a while.” He exhaled and puffed his cheek out with his tongue for a second but he didn’t resist when she took his hand and led him over to the bed. She sat near the top and rested her back against the headboard then drew her knees close to her chest. He sat on the far end and kept his feet firmly planted on the floor. She listened as he recounted everything that had happened from the moment he left her with Travis at his ranch outside of Creedyville and took a limo to hell with Heather. She kept quiet but prodded him for details and frequently made him reassure her that he was telling her everything. She watched him and saw how Shuttlesworth had made the weight of the past settle on his shoulders like a shroud made of iron—dragging him down almost to the point of sinking. Thirty minutes or so later, Todd looked at her and shrugged. “That’s it.” Blair tried to absorb everything. She took a deep breath. She had to find a way to make him see what was so clear to her. Shuttlesworth tried to drown him in the past. Making Todd see that though wasn’t going to be easy. Even so, he was almost there. Just telling her everything seemed to bring him closer to the surface as the weights dropped away. All he needed to do was kick a little harder and he would break through. “I’m no expert, but I have to tell you what I see even if it is just from my heart. Carl Shuttlesworth is a soulless bastard. He is malicious and calculating.” “I’m no saint, Blair.” “Don’t need to be. Don’t want you to be. I sure as hell don’t pretend to be one.” “Some people would say I’m not much different from your description of DC.” “Shuttlesworth is slime. He messes with people’s lives just for the hell of it. He does it just because he can. You are nothing like him I don’t care how many times he tells you otherwise.” “I not some naďve child, Blair. I…” “No, you’re not but he tried to make you feel like one. He shaped himself to be everything your father never was to you. He did it deliberately and viciously to get you to let down your guard. He wanted to run around in your head and pull the strings to prove how powerful he is. From everything I’ve heard that’s how he gets his fix.” Todd looked down at his hands. “Then he pushed every button installed during your miserable childhood courtesy of Peter Manning, while charming you with his smile and telling you how great you are. He got you so turned around, it’s like you weren’t even reacting to the here and now.” “The last thing I would want to do is relive my childhood.” “What about rewrite it?” “This is crazy.” “Maybe but he was determined to pass himself off as filler for that hole in your heart that even I can’t begin to touch. He made you so blind, you couldn’t even see it coming.” “Blair, you’re the one who fills that hole.” “No, I don’t. I can’t. I wish I did but I have no delusions about that. There are jagged places in you that I can’t begin to know how to touch. I accept that.” He turned away and looked toward the window. She moved closer to him so that their shoulders were touching. “I can’t be everything to you, but I love you. And when you’re blind, I can see. That’s why you can’t push me away again like you did. And I need you close to me because when I’m blind you can take my hand and lead me through the dark.” “You’re not going to leave?” “I'll never run again and if I have to knock you down and sit on you, neither will you. That’s the first thing we need to get straight.” He nodded his head and smiled slightly. “What’s the second thing?” “I almost died when I saw that bitch with her hands on you. That can’t happen again. If it happens again with anyone, I’m coming after you first. Not her. You. Then I’ll kick the bitch’s ass into the next millennium. Is that clear?” “Do I get to go after Jake Travis?” “If you see me letting him put his hands on me that way then you get to come after me first then take care of him. No questions asked.” He cleared his throat then smiled at her. “You can’t shove me at him or anyone else though and get to play wounded.” “If he touches you, I’m not going to be the one who’s wounded.” She dropped her head and nudged his shoulder gently. “Enough with Travis. He knows who my heart belongs to. It’s the other head cases out there I’m worried about.” She turned her head and looked at him. “And I’m putting them all on notice that they need to worry about getting their ass kicked if they come after you.” “Nothing to worry about, Blair.” “We’ll see. But I don’t care whoever is coming after whoever, nobody leaves. Clear?” “You’ll fight for me?” “I’ll fight the devil for you.” ========== Todd framed his body next to Blair’s and curved his to match hers. After a few minutes, she turned around and rested her head on his chest. “We need to get up and get dressed,” she said as she gently ran her fingers through the hair on his chest. “Why? I can hold you like this for another month or so before taking a break. Well, we could take a few breaks for some more wild, unbridled sex but then I get to hold you again.” “I want to do something tonight. You get to use the shower first.” “Blair, there are at least five showers in this house.” She rolled away from him and sat up. “Don’t be difficult.” “Well, you know difficult is my middle name.” “Please. Will you just do me this favor tonight?” “Okay, but just this once. And stop looking at me like that, Babe, unless we can put this thing off for another hour or so. I only have so much self-control when it comes to you.” He watched as she tightened the sheet around her body then looked down at him. He could see lust creep into her eyes even though she was fighting it. He tried not to grin. “Oh, shit. Why do you do this to me?” He let his gaze drift along her body. “I’m just laying here.” “Yeah, right.” “If I wasn’t just laying here, I might do something like this.” He moved his fingers slowly down her back. “Or, even something like this.” He eased his hand under the sheet and began to caress her stomach then let his hand slowly ease downward and downward and downward… She moaned and sighed loudly then turned and threw herself on him. An hour later, he took his shower but when he came back into the bedroom Blair was gone. He dressed quickly in a black long sleeved T-shirt and black slacks. He walked downstairs to wait for Blair. He fixed himself a drink then felt himself exhaling. It didn’t matter where Blair wanted to go tonight. He’d follow her anywhere. He hadn’t expected to follow her to St. James though. “With the lights on and the candles lit I get the impression we were expected.” “I called Andrew and got his permission to use the chapel. I guess he took it upon himself to make us feel welcome.” “Why, Blair?” She touched his face. “The last time we got married there was a big ugly lie between us. There are no lies between us now.” He released the air that froze in his lungs the second she mentioned the dead baby lie. He looked at her and for the first time he noticed that she was wearing a beautiful white dress embroidered in gold. He smiled slightly. So that was what this was about. “You want another wedding? If that’s what you want then fine. Is Andrew meeting us here? Dorian and the rest of the coven going to pop up in a minute? If that’s what you want, Blair, I’m game.” Blair’s eyes grew wide and she took a step back. “No. No more weddings. The next wedding in this family is going to be Starr’s.” “Well, we’ll have to see about Starr but if not a wedding what then?” She hooked her arm in his and pulled him forward. He fell in step with her and they walked down the aisle together. His one true babe was on his arm and he had the strange sensation of time rushing backwards and forward at the same time. When they stopped and stood in front of the altar, he felt dizzy from the rush of memories that flooded all of his senses. “This is just between you and me,” she said softly. “Why here, Blair? I’m not a big believer and promises made here aren’t really different…” “When we got married here I never felt stronger in my life, or more loved or more hopeful. You loved me and I loved you. When we stood in front of Andrew that day, I had no doubts. And despite everything that went wrong after that the memory still is in my heart as one of the most perfect moments in my life. I want to believe again that anything is possible because you love me and I love you. That’s the dream I want to dream with you again.” “You get whatever you want.” She gave him the smile that always melted his heart then sat down in front pew. He sat beside her. “How do we do this?” “No rules. No right way to do this. Just do what feels right. It’ll come.” He stared at the altar and watched the candles flicker and tried to think of what to say. Part of him wanted to blow it off and say something flippant--anything to deflect from the abject fear washing over him that this was too good to be true and Blair would change her mind and walk away--again. Were they really here? Wasn’t she supposed to come home, yell at him and then leave? He had been a fool to put what mattered the most to him in jeopardy but in the past hadn’t he always paid the price for losing sight of what was important? Every time. What was going on then? How had they made it here in one piece and together? He looked over at her. She was staring into the flickering flames of the candles that lined the candelabra. Her face glowed in the soft light. In that moment he could see her face so many years ago. He carried those images with him to hell and back. Now as he looked at her she seemed to fade from sight for a second and a surge of profound sadness gripped him so tightly he could barely breathe. He stood up, reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He searched around until he found it and pulled out the gold balloon. He handed it to her. She held it in the palm of her hand like it was as precious and fragile as gold dust then looked up at him with wide eyes. “You kept it all this time?” “I had never been happier in my life than I was on that day.” Blair started to cry. He squatted in front of her. “I can’t tell you how many times I wish I hadn’t gone to Ireland. We had a chance then Blair to do it right without all the pain. But you’re wrong if you think I ever stopped loving you even for one minute.” He stood then took her hands and pulled her up. “I always loved you I just couldn’t always let myself to show it. I promise you –I vow from this moment on to show you how much I love you. You are my world and I can’t say it any plainer than that.” Blair threw her arms around his neck, hugged him and cried harder. He rocked her and held her close. “Got to say something to me, Babe. Can’t have one-way vows.” She hugged him tighter but finally she pulled back and wiped her eyes. She stared at the candles for a moment, took a deep breath and then looked at him. “I’m not sure if you really get how much I love you. You are my heart.” She locked their hands together. “I vow that whatever life throws at us, whatever demons try to tear us apart, whatever forces try to come between us, we will face them together. There’s no separating us ever again. We will walk through this life and into whatever is beyond joined as one.” He tried to hold his emotions in check as he pulled her closer to him. Despite his best efforts he felt a single the tear drift down his right cheek as if of it’s own accord. There had been so much pain, so much loss, so much wasted time. But now it felt as if they had finally laid all of those burdens down and offered them up to the heavens. He could have sworn he heard an angel sing.
|