|
The Tessarae Inn |
|
Poseidon Rising CHAPTER 20 Music filled the room as Bonnie Raitt’s voice floated from the jukebox: “Turn down the lights. Turn down the bed. Turn down these voices inside my head. Lay down with me and tell me no lies. Just hold me close and don’t patronize. Don’t patronize me. ‘cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t.” “Did you have to play this song?” “Didn’t have to but wanted to. Wanted to play this song and hold you for a moment.” “Chad, this is exactly what I wanted to avoid,” she whispered. “I never wanted to add one moment of pain to your life.” “Your lifetime with him isn’t over. I guess you can’t fight that.” Bonnie Raitt’s voice seemed to reach out and physically touch her. “Here in the dark, in these final hours. I will lay down my heart and I’ll feel the power but you won’t. No, you won’t because I can’t make you love me if you don’t.” Blair pushed her body closer to him. It was wrong but for a moment she needed to remember what might have been. Bonnie Raitt refused to give her any peace though. “I’ll close my eyes, and then I won’t see the love you don’t feel when you are holding me. Morning will come and I’ll do what’s right. Just give me till then to give up this fight. And I will give up this fight. Because I can’t make you love me if you don’t. And you can’t make your heart feel something it won’t.” “I honestly never meant to...” “The heart has its own reasons, Blair. There’s nothing you can do about my heart. It feels what it feels and yours can’t.” Damn him. Why did he have to make this so hard? “I will let you go, Blair. I’ll stay out of your life after this. Promise.” What was she supposed to say? She buried her head in his chest. “And by the way, Ami is back. She left him. She came back to me. After all this time. She finally came back.” She looked up at him. “Then why are you so sad?” “Why are you?” “Talk to me. Don’t evade the question.” “Who’s the one evading? But okay. I’m sad because I don’t love her anymore. Sometimes love does die and you move on. Unfortunately for me I moved on to someone who didn’t.” “Give yourself time to see if you can reconnect. People make mistakes. Sometimes the people that love you the most, make the worst ones.” “Blair, I can handle my own love life from here on out. But, hey, you’re right. What have I got to lose? She’s waiting for me at home. I’ll see what happens.” There was an edge to his voice that she had never heard before. “Don’t be careless with her heart.” “I won’t be as careless with hers as she was with mine. Other than that I can’t make any promises. Probably too old now for her anyway.” Blair dropped her head. He placed his fingers gently on her chin and raised her head so their eyes met. “I wouldn’t trade one minute with you even to erase ten lifetimes of pain.” “Hey.” Blair turned and saw Jessica standing at the bar. She stepped away from Chad but he held her hand behind her back. “Hey. What are doing here?” Jessica looked at her with a gentle wisdom then said, “Uncle Todd called and asked me to meet him here but I guess he isn’t here.” “No and I need to be going. Good to see you.” “Me too.” Blair picked up her purse and pulled her hand slowly out of Chad’s. At first, he held on then he relaxed his grip. She walked toward the door but then glanced back at them and smiled slowly. “Goodbye, Chad. See you later, Jessica.” They nodded at her and she walked away but when she reached the door she paused with her hand on the handle for a second. “You wanna a beer?” she heard Chad ask. “Sure. Why not,” said Jessica. Blair pushed open the door and stepped out into the cool night air. ======== Todd put his feet up on the rail of the deck. He leaned his head back against the chair and stared up at the stars. This was a strange trip he was on with Blair. Strange passage. He was going to be careful this time of the promises he made. He was what he was but he would try. He would try not to hurt her again. He had forced himself to stand outside in the shadows of Capricorn and watch her dance with Pluto the other night. Forced himself to see how gentle she was with him. Forced himself to see the spark between them. Forced himself to see Pluto hold her with such longing and need. He had looked at her like that once upon a time. He knew what it felt like to want her that much and know you couldn’t have her. She was just saying goodbye but he also knew that if the stars had lined up right he could have lost his family. He could have lost Blair. All of that stuff he did to get her and keep her in the end almost cost him everything. Blair came out and sat in the chair on the other side of the small table. “They are both asleep. Long day. Oh, but it was so much fun. Can you believe how strong Jack is getting? And Starr is really working this big sister thing.” “She loves her baby brother.” “Finally.” “She always did. Just a little trouble figuring out how to show it at first.” “Yeah. Love is a hard one.” He watched her for a minute but tried not to stare. She stretched her legs out and put her feet on the railing too. He filled a glass of wine then handed it to her. “This is scary,” she said. “Sitting here like an old married couple talking about the children.” “If you don’t count all the separations, divorces and annulments, we are an old married couple. A lot of years between us, Blair.” She took a sip of her drink then leaned back and let her head gently rest against the top of the chair. For a while the only sounds were crickets and soft strains of music drifting gently from the small radio. He stared at the garden that was spotted with soft decorative lights. Even to him the glow looked magical. “It’s weird when I first came here all I could think of was how much this place was not like us. How much we needed to get a new place. Something that was more us.” “You mean something that was more yours.” “Okay, maybe. I’ve got issues. What can I say?” “But now?” “Starr loves it here. She likes her school and her friends. This sitting on the deck drinking wine looking out over a garden is wicked scary, though, Blair.” “Too normal?” “Way too normal. We don’t do typical well. And speaking of someone who wouldn’t recognize typical if it bit her on the ass, I got a call from Amanda earlier. She and Jewel are up in the Hamptons. She's having a blast. Already has her eye on her next mark. Crazy jazzed up. She told me to tell you to remember that all you have to do is whistle, though, and she’ll be back here in a flash.” Blair laughed and shook her head. She missed Amanda. Who else in the middle of all of that misery could have made her laugh so much? A sheer force of nature. Blair smiled and touched his hand lightly. “You probably would have won that one too.” He laughed and took a gulp of wine then leaned back again and closed his eyes. She studied his profile for a moment. He was still so gorgeous to her that sometimes he threatened to take her breath away. They say love will do that to a person. “Why don’t you give her a call, Blair,” he said without looking at her. “I think she’d really like to hear from you.” Blair mumbled, okay, then chuckled quietly. She just talked to Amanda two days ago but it was just like Amanda not to mention it to Todd. Massage that male ego: You’re the important one, Mac. Amanda, she had come to realize, was the consummate con artist but with a heart of gold that was as big as Texas. And for that they were damn lucky because once again Todd had inserted someone into their lives who could have hurt them for gain. But for whatever reason Amanda had been nothing but loving to both of them and for that Blair would always be grateful. She was something rare in their world—a real friend. Todd looked over at her and steadied his gaze on her face. “You know the baby I made up became real there for a little while. I was happy about it, Blair. Do you want to have another one?” Blair felt a swooshing sound in her head. Her mind raced in ten directions at once. Finally, she calmed the noise. This was too important to avoid. “I think having babies brings out the worst in us. I don’t think we do that well. We produce beautiful children but the process seems to set in motion a search and destroy payback mission from every piece of bad karma we ever let loose on this world. Then you leave.” “Just temporarily.” “If you had any idea how hard it was on me losing you, then you wouldn’t be so cavalier about it. I honestly don’t think I can survive that again. And that’s the honest truth. The only thing that saved me this time was the anger. It kept the grief from drowning me. So I don’t think we need to start that cycle again.” “I’ll always come back for you, Blair. You should know that by now. Nothing in this world or the next will keep me from coming home to you.” “Lets not talk about this, okay?” “Let me say this: I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry about Jack. I really am.” “I know,” she said softly then swallowed hard and exhaled. “But fifty years from now, when we are sitting here just like this, it will still hurt. I’ve finally moved beyond it though. I’m focusing on the present and the future. ”
Fifty years from now they would be sitting out on this deck and that awful dead baby lie could still be between them. He accepted that. But he also knew now that she believed fifty years down the road they would still be together. Time heals. He smiled. He’d work on her about having another baby but they had plenty of time. He’d work on her about the house thing, too. Maybe he would finally build that house he promised her on Llantano Mountain. They had time to live all of their dreams this lifetime. Todd suddenly reached over and turned up the volume on the radio. He heard the announcer say he was about to play “In This Life.” The music drifted out as if on wings of a promise. “All I’ve been bless with in this world there was an emptiness in me. I was imprisoned by the power of gold. One arm’s touch you set me free.” Todd reached over, laced his fingers in Blair’s and held on. “Let the world stop turning. Let the sun stop burning. Let them tell me love is not worth going through. If it all falls apart I will know deep in my heart that the one dream that mattered came true. In this life I was loved by you.” He rolled his head so he could see Blair. She was looking at him. “I know that I won’t live forever,” he said quoting the last line of the song, “but forever I will be loving you.” And that was the honest truth--he loved her and he always would. Blair seemed to shiver. She squeezed his hand. “Let’s go to bed,” she said softly. He stared at her for a long moment but then jumped up and pulled her up as well. “Nope. We’re going out.” “Where?” “Someplace special.” “Is that why you wanted Susanne to stay over?” “Everything is arranged. All you have to do is meet me out front.” “Do I need to change?” “Nope. All I want is you. I don’t care what you’re wearing.” “I guess you do want me to wear clothes though.” He smiled. “No restrictions. No boundaries.” “I’ll go check on Starr and Jack and let Susanne know we’re going out. We’ll be back…?” “Maybe by morning. Or afternoon. At least, by tomorrow night…” “I’ll tell her we’ll call.” He watched her walk toward him across the front yard. She couldn’t resist the urge to change clothes but had gone with something simple, elegant and flexible enough to fit in anywhere--a simple black dress topped with a suede jacket. He couldn’t stop watching her and her eyes were locked on him as well. Maybe some would say she wasn’t the most beautiful woman in the world but she was to him and fifty years from now he would think the same thing. They say love does that to a person. She stopped a few feet away from him when she noticed the car and squealed. She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered close to his ear. “It looks like something Spiderman would drive when he’s off duty.” He couldn’t stop grinning. It still amazed him how much she really did get him. “Do I even want to know how you got it back? Or how Amanda was involved?” “You can ask and I will tell. I’m not keeping any more secrets.” “Yeah, right. I’ll let you keep your magic, though. My man works miracles.” “Damn straight.” He opened the car door for her and she slipped in. He jumped in the drivers seat. “Ready?” “For anything as long as I’m with you.” Something brutally sharp grabbed him in the chest and froze his breath in his throat. He pushed it away. He would spend a lifetime making sure she never regretted saying that. She was his gift and if he forgot that again he deserved to lose her. He touched her hand lightly and she smiled at him then let her head fall back against the headrest. He turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life and he looked over at her as the vibrations from the engine rocked the car. "Time to get moving, Babe. I've got plans for you and some of them are downright naughty and not very nice." Her eyes grew wide and she laughed then threw her arms in the air and yelled, “Let’s burn rubber.” The End
Would you like to make a comment about Poseidon Rising, or share your impressions or ask me a question? Post your comments on my message board in The Capricorn Deluxe Suite at:
Poseidon Rising FAN FICTION GUEST BOOK
Other Stand Alone T&B Fan Fiction:
|