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The Tessarae Inn |
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Regrets In Jade Tones
CHAPTER 16 Todd studied Blair for a few seconds. She was dressed in her black leather pantsuit and a black skullcap covered her hair. She laid her head back against the headrest of the Mercedes and took a deep breath. He wondered if anyone in the world could irritate him as much as she could when she put her mind to it. “Did you find anything useful in there?” “Nothing.” She pulled the skullcap off and shook her hair free. “It’s pure Rick St. Jean--all boring, generic and plastic. Except…” “Except what?” “The most important thing may be that I didn’t find some things.” “Like what?” “The day Starr met him at the office he was wearing a leather flight jacket, jeans and boots. There’s nothing even remotely like that in there. And he was riding a motorcycle. No sign of that, either.” Todd thought about it for a second. “None of the witnesses reported seeing him dressed like that.” “Maybe that’s what he’s wearing now, though. No one is looking for a guy in jeans and a flight jacket.” She was right. “Okay. I’ll give you that. The description could help us.” “But it also may mean he has another place. There is nothing here that indicates a motorcycle was ever on the premises. Maybe he has another place somewhere.” Why hadn’t he thought of that? Damn it. “That’s probably where he’s taken Starr.” “Probably,” said Blair softly. His cell phone rang and Todd glanced at Blair then opened the car door. “I’ve got to answer this.” He slipped out of the car.
He didn’t dare look at her because he knew she was livid.
Why couldn’t she just stay out of this?
He closed the car door. It
was RJ on the phone. Things were
about to break. But everything that
was coming in on Wyatt Cooper so far was butt ugly and there were still large
holes in the story, which meant that things could get even uglier.
He broke the connection and took a deep breath.
Things had just gone from bad to worse. “RJ is checking on a few things,” said Todd as he slid back into the driver’s seat, “and we’re going to meet up in fifteen minutes. I need to talk to you for a few minutes before I leave.” Blair turned away and shook her head. “I don’t want to hear it.” Todd hit the steering wheel lightly. “What don’t you want to hear, Blair? You don’t want to hear about you being here when I specifically asked you to stay out of it.” “He worked for me. I know him better than any of you. He has my child.” “I know you don’t trust me.” Blair turned her head toward him quickly. “What? No, that’s not it.” “Let’s be honest for a change. I gave our child away and although you may have chosen to forgive me, you have not forgotten.” Blair shifted her gaze and stared straight ahead. “That’s kind of hard to forget.” “I know you don’t trust me. I get that, but you have to try one more time.” “What do you want me to say? Something got broken in me and I just can’t roll over again on your word.” “Okay, fine. Let’s be practical. If this Cooper creep is as dangerous as people say, there’s a possibility someone is going to get hurt. What about Jack?” “He’s safe.” “If we both die, he’ll never forgive us. He’ll grow up angry and lost just like you and I did. So, what about Jack?” Blair hung her head. “I know you love Starr. Hell, I counted on your love all those times I took her away from you. I want you to live for her. If one of us has to, I will die for her.” Blair forcefully released air from her lungs and shook her head. He could see tears rolling down her cheeks as she threw her head back against the headrest. “Don’t you understand? Dying is the easy part.” “What are you talking about, Blair?” “I know you will die for her, but can you be strong enough to live for her? Can you let go when everything in your soul tells you to hold on? I can’t stay behind again. I just can’t… I know what it’s like to lose you.” “I’ll come back to you, Blair.” “Bo says he’s really dangerous.” “Blair, I’m really dangerous.” “But he’s crazy. He didn’t just fool me, Todd. I was totally snowed.” “I’ll find her.” “Let me go with you.” “I can’t do that. I can’t…” She rolled her head around toward him. “It may stroke your ego to think of me as some helpless girly-girl who can’t get down and ugly when necessary but you know better.” “What I know is that I can’t operate knowing that both you and Starr are in danger.” “What about me? How am I supposed to survive if something happens to you?” “No use looking for trouble.” “Trouble didn’t wait for an invitation. And there’s… I can’t shake this feeling.” “What feeling?” “Before you left for Ireland there was nothing I wanted to do more than to hold you back—to keep you with me. I feel the same way now.” “This is about Starr.” “You know I know that but do you know that I spent every night you were gone praying for a miracle? Everybody told me you were dead and I forced myself to believe it. I had to let go when everything inside of me told me to hold on. But I never stopped hoping for a miracle. I made all sorts of promises to myself about what I would do if you came back to me.” “I did come back.” Blair rocked her head from side to side. “And so much of it was ugly and painful.” “It was my fault.” “I don’t care whose fault it was. I learned to be more careful about what I wish for.” He felt as if something had pricked him in the heart. He looked at her. “So if you had to do it again, you wouldn’t wish for me to come back?” “I’d wish for you to come back whole and in love with me and with...” “I did come back in love with you.” “And with faith and trust in me.” Todd looked straight ahead. “Patrick sort of beat that out of me.” “I don’t want to talk about Patrick because he isn’t the issue and never was. You never forgave me for living when you died.” “That’s not …” Blair waved her hand and cut him off. “What you never understood…never got was that living was the hard thing to do. Surviving was a million times harder than it would have been to follow you into the Irish Sea. You never got that.” “I have to go. We can talk about this later.” “No. Not yet. I’ve learned not to count on later, so here goes. For months, hell years, I ran over and over in my mind what I would have said to you at the airport, if I had known it was going to be the last time I’d see you. And it all came down to the same thing. I love you with all of my soul, Todd Manning. You’re branded on my heart and it can’t beat right unless you’re in this world.” He looked down to hide his face for a moment. He had to fight to get his emotions under control but she was right. This was not the time to leave things unsaid. How could he tell her that when he looked back on it, she stole his heart away from the moment she sat down next to him at Rodi’s? No one else ever had a chance after that. He didn’t know how to tell her how much she had meant to him from the very beginning. There was one thing he had to say out loud. The one thing he never said often enough and loud enough. “I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t trust your love, for all the pain that mistrust caused us, and for all the time I wasted fighting a simple truth.” “What truth?” “That what is between is and will be forever. If I can’t stay in this world, I’ll wait for you on the other side.” She let out a small muted cry but he leaned over and pulled her toward him. He kissed her deeply then forced himself to pull away. “Will you promise to go home and stay safe?” “Will you promise to do the hard thing? Survive, Todd, no matter what happens.” He smiled at her. “I’ll try not to tempt fate but you know as well as I do that fate never plays fair.” Blair placed her
hands on each side of his face then kissed him lightly on the cheek.
She got out of the car. He watched as she walked in front of his car
toward the Audi that was parked off to the left.
She stopped near the driver’s side but stood away from the car.
He looked at her but tried not to think.
He turned the ignition switch and the car roared to life. He didn’t
have a choice in this. He was
making the right decision. He let the car roll forward as he hit the power
button and the window rolled down. He pulled up next to her. “You’re all I ever wanted, Blair,” he said then hit the accelerator before he changed his mind and let her come with him. |