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The Tessarae Inn |
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Regrets In Jade Tones
CHAPTER 24 Blair smoothed Starr’s hair, as she lay asleep with her head on Blair’s lap. Rae told her that the effects of the kidnapping might come on suddenly or slowly or both. She had to watch Starr and be prepared to intervene, provide comfort or an ear as needed and, if necessary, to be willing to get professional help. So far Starr’s major symptom of trauma was that she had a hard time letting Blair out of her sight. It broke her heart to see her once intrepid little girl clinging to her for security and comfort. She gently lifted Starr and placed her under the covers of her bed. She kissed her and let her fingers linger along her hairline for a minute then she tipped into the hall and closed the door leaving just a small crack open. “Ready for me?” asked Jessica. Blair nodded then hugged her. “Thanks for agreeing to stay with her for a few hours.” “No problem, really. I’ll just read my Lit assignment.” Blair released her. She suddenly had an image of Starr at twenty. She touched Jessica’s face gently. It was such a pretty face. One day Starr would be a young adult sailing free in the world like Jessica. And just like Viki learned with Jessica, she and Todd would discover that nothing they could do would protect Starr from all the “demons who would try to charm her with their smiles” but Starr was only eight. They should have been able to keep her safe … Toni appeared at the end of the hallway. “They’re ready for us.” Blair nodded, squeezed Jessica’s shoulder and walked toward Toni. Bo, Hank and Antonio were waiting for them in the den. The same room that just a few weeks ago had been the source of so much merriment. Things change so quickly. Shoes drop, other are suspended in air, all in the blink of an eye. Todd and RJ were sitting on either ends of the couch. She slipped next to Todd. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she leaned closer to him. “Thanks for waiting for me,” she said. “Starr had a nightmare.” She glanced at Todd but he looked away. He still found Starr’s emotional health too difficult to acknowledge except in passing reference. “Is she okay?” asked Hank. “She will be.” “We won’t take up more time than is necessary,” said Bo. “Just give us the short version,” said Todd brusquely. Blair could feel his impatience in the subtle restless movements of his arms and legs. “Téa,” said Antonio, “and Wyatt Cooper met when she defended him on charges of abducting a young girl in New Year about twelve years ago. She was a young associate but she was able to win a fairly surprising victory.” “After the trial,” continued Bo, “they became lovers and moved to Arizona. Wyatt was accused of a number of fairly minor crimes but Téa was always able to successfully get the charges dropped. Until he was charged with a crime and there was indisputable evidence. Wyatt was sentenced to ten years.” “So did she stay in Arizona?” asked Blair. “She moved back to New York and did everything to erase her connections to Arizona. She was hired as an associate at Howell & Maguire. It was highly competitive environment and as luck would have it the uncle of the little girl Cooper was accused of abducting was a big client. Someone, specifically a rival associate at the firm, discovered Téa’s association with Wyatt and used it to strong-arm her out of the firm. That’s when she came to Llanview.” “I suspect you know most of the rest,” added Antonio, “except for the fact that she and Cooper stayed in touch through the years.” “How?” “He tracked her down at the law firm and wrote to her there. In fact, that’s how the associate who blackmailed her discovered her secret.” Blair stared at him. Was this supposed to make sense? “It seems,” continued Bo, “ that when Cooper was released from jail he tracked her to Llanview but no one knew where Téa was for the most part.” “And the few people who did,” said Antonio, “would not give that information out to a stranger.” “How does any of this relate to Cooper kidnapping Starr and Jason?” Antonio cleared his throat. “Téa, it seems, deliberately led Cooper to believe that Starr was conceived after she and Manning were married. She claims she did it for protection. Manning was supposed to keep any possibility of Cooper looking for her remote.” “And if Cooper did come to town,” added Bo, “she assumed he wouldn’t want to mess with Todd Manning.” Blair felt her stomach contract. Todd relaxed his arm and she leaned forward. “So let me get this straight. To protect herself, she sent a picture of my child and Todd along with her address here in Llanview to a man locked up in prison who was once accused of abducting a little girl who she got off on a technicality in order to keep him from finding her?” “That’s what she says,” said Antonio softly. “So he came to town tracking Téa and got a position in my company to get near Starr because Téa had explicitly told him that Starr was her daughter—her biological daughter?” “That’s the gist of it.” “Anything else?” asked Blair. Her patience was now at zero. “We know that she set you up to get abducted by Cooper but we can’t prove it. She claims it was an honest mistake.” “By the way, no charges will be filed against you for shooting Cooper,” said Hank in a tone that was a little too upbeat. Blair stood up and walked out of the room. She needed to be alone. She walked outside and she sat on the patio. There was total silence. She felt as if her world was about to implode. How crazy was all of this? She was a wreck. Starr was a wreck. Todd was a wreck. Why? Because of Téa! About twenty minutes later Toni came out and sat across from her. “You and Todd need to talk.” Blair let her gaze drift slowly to Toni’s face. “I know the signs,” said Toni. “I’ve spent enough time in my life not facing up to the big moments.” Blair glanced away. “Do you remember, Blair, when we were talking in the car on the way to Dorian’s before you went to talk to Antonio?” “Yes.” “You wanted to talk about RJ but I blew you off. Well, see, I couldn’t talk about it. I couldn’t talk about him because I was so scared that I was going to lose him—that maniac was going to kill him. I was terrified that I would never get to say the things to him that I need to say. I’m still scared. But you’re different from me. I told you once that you have a brave heart and it’s true.” Blair tapped the tips her fingers of her right hand lightly on the patio table. Toni stood up and walked over to her then crouched down so that they were at eye level. “He’s waiting for you outside. RJ is staying with Jason tonight—all night. Chad is running Capricorn. I’m staying here with Starr and Jack. I won’t let them out of my sight. Of course, Mrs. Castle is here too and Viki is on call. If there is the slightest reason for you to come back, I promise I will call you.” Blair felt as if her brain was boiling. Thoughts of everything that happened and could have happened whirled around in her mind. She did need to talk to Todd. Too much time had passed already. Too many missed opportunities. For so long this had existed like an open wound between them. He was waiting for her in front of the house in her car. Usually when it was just the two of them he drove the Ferrari but not today. “Thought you’d like to experience the ride of your hotrod as a passenger for a change,” he said as she eased into the passenger seat. She laughed despite herself. He just wanted to drive her car. “Where are we going?” “To the penthouse.” Blair studied the living room of the penthouse. Todd obviously had someone come in once a day or so and straighten up and open up because the living room, like the rest of the house, had no sense of abandonment. Everything was fresh, clean and alive like they had just stepped back in after being gone for an hour or two. She wondered why he was so assiduous in maintaining it. Was he assuring himself of always having a soft place to land? They had both changed since the baby lie was revealed but she was the one who had changed the most. Todd always looked out for himself even when he was pledging his undying love and devotion. He always had a way out –a getaway plan and a way to protect his heart. She was the one who had been a fool. She was the one who time and again put her heart out in clear and open space to be trampled by lies and deceit. She loved Todd. That was the one thing that emerged from everything clearly but she would never again trust him with her unprotected heart. Instead, she would take what he offered with a grain of salt. She would revel in the pleasure but not look down the road too far or live much beyond the moment. There was always another shoe to drop and when that one dropped another suspended in air to take its place. She had proved to herself that she could leave, although it should not have been a surprise since she left all of them—Max, Cord, Sam… Todd, though, was different. He was the only one she had ever really trusted and he was the only one she had ever really loved, but she would no longer go into world unguarded even from him. So tomorrow she was going to investigate converting the loft space about the JStarr offices into an apartment. It was a beautiful space. Huge. Airy. Light. And by the time she finished with it, it would be a great place to land—soft or otherwise. Todd paced in front of her then walked over to the staircase and sat down. “I guess I’m the one who should start this.” And finish it too, thought Blair. He was the one who needed to talk. She would listen because she was trying to learn from the past. There was so much pain between them that could have been avoided if they had just stopped and listened to each other. That was one mistake she would not make again. “I’m sorry about Téa. I’m sorry about how I brought her into our lives.” Me, too. Sorry about all of the unnecessary ugliness. Nothing about Téa exonerated Todd for all of the things he did to hurt her but Téa was an integral and separate part of her pain. Téa stoked the flames between them and did everything she could to make it worse. Why? Because Téa wanted her life. It was as simple as that. And Todd let her believe it was possible. “I was so angry, Blair. I couldn’t see past the tail end of my rage. I honestly thought that I was acting rationally. And I worked overtime to blot out any love I had for you, but I loved you so much that every time I covered up one small feeling the rest squeezed out the sides.” Squeezed was a good word. She could visualize it swelling—getting larger and larger until it EXPLODED right in her face. Your mother is crazy, Blair. You’re crazy, Blair. Téa is a better mother to Starr, Blair. I’m marrying her again, Blair. If you touch her again, Blair, I will kill you. “Say something to me, Blair.” “What do you want me to say? I’m not sure if this matters enough to drag all of that pain out and cut it open just to exam its cancerous progression. Let it be. Maybe I’ll die from something else.” “Blair, I…” “You what? Did you love her?” “No.” “What’s the point of lying to me?” “I’m not,” he said softly then looked out of the window at the skyline of Llanview. “I tried. I really did try but my heart belonged to you and nothing I did changed that.” Okay this is when she usually melted into one big gooey mess. Todd Manning declaring that despite the custody battles, the marriages to the unethical attorney, the refusals to hear her side of things, his need to humiliate her …loved her through all of it. Whatever. To this day she cringed at how little he had to do to draw her back into his orbit. One stupid kiss in The Sun office and she was off whirling down the rabbit hole again with no parachute despite warning signs posted along the entire route—I will not tell Max about the virus. You are safe with me, Blair. No one will ever know you shot Max. Hell, No. You shot your last husband in the back. The baby died, Blair. Here are the baby’s ashes, Blair… “You never told me what happened between you and Téa and why you came back.” He looked at her and frowned. “I just told you.” “Okay.” “Look, I tried to forget you. I tried to love her. Neither thing happened and she left. End of story.” Except that bitch set in motion a chain of events that led to Starr’s kidnapping and Starr was forever changed. Téa was a threat to my family and you never bothered to tell me to be on guard. Bastard. He glanced away then looked back and focused on her face. “You told me when we were outside of Cooper’s house that I never forgave you for living when I died. That’s not true. What I couldn’t forgive you for was being able to love somebody else.” “I didn’t love him and you know that.” “But you tried. And see I…” “What are you saying, Todd?” “What I’m saying is that I couldn’t. If nothing else, Téa proved what I already knew.” “Oh, so now I’m supposed to be grateful to her?” “I tried to love her, Blair. Half the time I couldn’t stand her but I really tried. I was so angry with you that, if I could have, I would have loved her out of sheer spite.” “I get it, okay?” “I don’t think you do. I thought if I could make myself love her then what you did wouldn’t matter so much. And the pain would stop. It was killing me, Blair. I kept dying inside a little bit everyday--piece by piece.” “I didn’t love Patrick. I didn’t love Max. How many times and in how many ways do I have to say that? How many times and in how many ways do you have to punish me for your fears instead of for my actions?” “I think I finally understand.” “If you say, so.” “Love is a leap of faith, Blair.” She laughed despite herself and then tears started rolling down her cheeks. “When have you ever taken a leap of faith?” “I took it with you. When I’m with you I’m always hanging in midair. Don’t you know that?” Blair looked down at her hands. “I’ve given up knowing things. In the past, everything I thought I knew about us always got turned upside down at some point or another. Why expect? Just react.” She glanced over at him and she could see the hurt in his eyes but that didn’t matter. This was about the truth for a change, wasn’t it? “I thought when you came back you had forgiven me?” “I did or I wouldn’t have come back. But I also came back because I love your lying deceitful ass and there’s no use denying it.” “But you don’t trust me?” “I trust you as much as you trust me.” He stood up and walked over to the couch. He reached his hand out to her. “Then we’re home free, Babe.” |