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The Tessarae Inn |
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Regrets in Jade Tones
CHAPTER 2 Tea fingered the envelope. The paper was premium quality rag paper that felt delicious to the touch. It felt like old money and prestige and the ink, obviously from a fountain pen, seemed to flow across the envelope. The penmanship was so ornate and aggressive that it implied passion and intrigue. She turned it over and as always the letter was secured with a wax seal. “I hope I was right to bring that to you. It’s the only one that’s come since I mailed the others. I know what you said, but I thought…Well, I just decided to take a chance. If you don’t want it all you have to do is toss it in the trash.” Tea traced the letters of her name as the script looped and swirled. How could a man with so much violence and disdain for people in general write cursive script with such elegance? How could she resist opening a letter that reeked of sensual pleasures—touch, feel, smell…and memories of what she once dreamed of having for a lifetime? The waiter placed the espresso and croissant in front of she and Joanne then retreated before they could ask for anything else. The sun felt warm and comforting. The outdoor café bustled with activity. It was one of her favorite times and places in Paris. Now, however, her past was slamming her in the face again. “So what are you going to do? Are you going to open it or not?” “I don’t know. Thank you for bringing it to me, though.” She slipped the letter into her purse. “Did I do the right thing?” “Yes. Thank you again.” Joanne frowned and picked at her roll. Tea leaned over toward her. “I don’t mean to seem mysterious. I just don’t know what I’m feeling. I thought I had gotten over him and every time I get one of these letters my heart starts beating in a rhythm I don’t even recognize.” “Maybe you should throw it away. You have a great life here. Why let him drag you down? He made his choices. You need to get on with your life.” Tea sighed. Joanne was right. Even slipping the letter away for later was a way of giving it more importance than it deserved. She reached into her purse and pulled it out. She took a deep breath then tore it open forcefully and pulled out the single folded sheet of paper. She unfolded the page and her eyes quickly scanned the contents. She felt the all too familiar tears begin to well in her eyes. She looked over at Joanne and tried to hide her face. “What does it say?” Tea grabbed her napkin and handed her the letter. Joanne studied it for a minute then read aloud, “Make
the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it
till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to
live afresh.” Joanne looked up and
frowned. “It’s a
quote,” said Tea. “I see that.
It’s Thoreau, I think, but what is he saying to you?” “He doesn’t want me to forget. He never wants me to be happy.” “What do you want?” Tea tented her hands and pressed them against her lips. After all this time, she still didn’t know. Joanne was watching her closely. “I guess,” said Tea finally, “I want to elevate my regrets.”
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